"The
greatest achievement of the human spirit is to live up to one's opportunities, and to make the most of one's resources."
~Vauvenargues Hard
The elderly and their families are often caught up in navigating
the complex and emotionally charged waters of residential care, end-of-life decisions, financial arrangements, medical treatment
and estate matters. All of these issues combined with the fact that several family members might be involved, or
maybe it's just you carrying the load; in any case, this stage in your and your loved one's life is a very challenging and
emotional time.
Elder mediation, sometimes also called eldercare mediation helps families
make vital decisions while also keeping communication channels open and avoid damage to family relationships. In elder mediation,
an impartial person, the mediator, facilitates discussion and helps elders and families explore options that address the many
needs families are trying to sort out together.
Elder mediation is often about more than reaching
a specific agreement. Some find that the facilitated conversation helps them feel fully heard. Others say it helps them talk
about the things that matter most, before it's too late. Still others say that they were able to accomplish in a few hours
what hadn't been achieved in months and that it reduces stress for families already facing enough difficulty and stress.
Eldercare mediators can help elders and their families address matters including health and medical
care, end-of-life care and decisions, how to share family care-giving, care-giving schedules and expenses, living arrangements,
property maintenance, family members' role in decisions, guardianship decisions, financial arrangements, and probate matters
such as wills, estates, trusts and property distribution.
Sometimes elder adults initiate
the mediation as a way to gather the family together before matters get too difficult. Some elder adults want their wishes
about estate matters or end-of-life decisions to be fully understood by family members and find that a mediator can provide
the support and structure to help that happen most constructively. Some want to have frank discussions with their children
and grandchildren as a way to preempt the kinds of misunderstandings that lead to probate problems and legal action after
they've passed.
Sometimes family members, such as an adult child, initiate the mediation as
a way to sort through tension between siblings or between elder parents and adult children. Some want to resolve differences
while parents or grandparents are still alive and before they escalate further. Some feel financially stretched and are seeking
an economically efficient way to resolve differences. Some want to help the family get back on an even keel for better future
joint decision-making.
Sometimes the staff of hospitals, nursing homes or assisted living
facilities recommend mediation when disagreements reach a point beyond what a case manager or patient liaison has the time
or training to manage. Additionally, mediators, who are specifically trained to help people navigate very difficult conversations,
offer an impartial perspective that's separate from that of the hospital's or care facility's interests.
The need or desire to use elder mediation is not a statement about a family's ability to function together effectively.
Even well-functioning families can experience tension when facing difficult end-of-life issues. Elder mediation is a choice
for those who want the support, clarity and help of a caring, trained person who's familiar with geriatric issues and prepared
to help them talk things out and preserve their most important relationships.
